To Cheat, in modern relationships, is a common conundrum that people often attach to a relationship. Similarly, without this activity, many may reason being caught and having options is a sure way to go. Following the addage, do not put all your eggs into one basket.
One of the key factors that keeps a relationship intact is MUTUAL TRUST. Without this key, any other relationship remains a fragile door. Finding out that the one person whom your heart desires to settle with is a cheat, burns the heart. Usually, besides the pain, anguish, disappointment and sometimes guilt feelings, one thing that is universal is the question, WHY?
A cheating partner’s activity could be so deadly than poison. In the tenets of Christianity, the only cause for divorce is infidelity. A research conducted by Finchman and May in 2017 revealed that cheating results in breakups, psychological trauma and can be a precursor to violent behaviour.(Fincham & May, 2017).
Therefore, taking a cursory look at the risks, the effects of cheating and its implications, one wonders, why do people cheat in relationships?
Reasons why people cheat in relationships
A plethora of people always end up with this question on their minds each time there is a break-up. Interestingly, there have been diverse reasons why people have been an infidel. Let’s see five of them.
When you first fall in love with someone, you might experience passion, excitement, and a sense of security when you hear their name.
The No More love syndrome is a very devastating feeling that catches up with a lot of people. Many people enter into a relationship with certain expectations says, Naa, a jilted lover. According to her, most young men are into relationships because of sex and nothing else.
“The truth is, guys of today are in for just one thing. The thing beneath the waist of the woman. After eating that Adam’s fruit, the no more love syndrome sets in. If the sex is great, he sticks, but if it sucks he is off” she reveals.
This could be true, but on the contrary, the other side of the coin also feels the opposite. To the males, most of the ladies are also in relationships because of money. This presupposes that when the money no longer flows the love stops flowing.
Derek, whose name has been changed also believes that no love syndrome is common. However, he is of the conviction that it is neither sex nor money, but a sudden relaxation in communication is to be blamed. He states “Of course, the money reason and the sex reason are all valid. The reality of the issue is that love cools off when communication is truncated by a partner”.
Maybe, all these reasons could hold water, but the underlying factor remains, the expectations have failed.
What leads to a weakened commitment?
Secondly, a weakened commitment from a partner could culminate into cheating. The Rosbults investment model considers commitment as an investment of satisfaction. This means that a partner may lose interest in a relationship when he is not satisfied. Satisfaction could be based on several levels. It could be attention that may not be courted and earned as compared to previous periods.
Lindsey, a nineteen-year-old graduate tells of her experience. Lindsey relates that she started cheating three months after dating her third boyfriend.
“I was not happy in the relationship. I could sense that after three months, there was nothing better in it for me. His calls bored me. He was a good guy, so I felt pity for him. To keep me in the relationship, I had to seek pleasure elsewhere. I feel I am not committed enough. It’s haunting me, but I am not head over heels like it was three months ago”.
She tells the difference between three months ago and today. “Three months ago, I would call even if he doesn’t call, but now I care less. I just can’t define why I’m not showing commitment like I ought to” she explained.
Victims and Culptits share their thoughts as to why people cheat in relationships
People who have a hard time with commitment may be more likely to cheat in some cases. Plus, commitment doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone.
Sometimes, it’s very difficult for couples to define the scope of their relationship. One may still have a heartbeat at the hearing of a name, while the other gets irritated when one tries to care, but may still be in it. Such ones may want to seek pleasure elsewhere like Lindsey.
It’s also possible to really like someone and still fear to make a commitment to them. In this case, one partner might end up cheating as a way of avoiding commitment, even if they actually would prefer to stay in the relationship.
Thirdly, the desire for changes and variety is a precursor to infidelity. One constant thing about humans is change. Apart from the desire to have something new, humans are just as predictable as a mathematical equation.
In cases like this, it may not just be about exploring their sexuality. It is deeply hinged on the desire to taste or feel something different rather than the normal. It could also be that perhaps out of the desire of the heart, one would want to experiment with different partners.
Desire to want extra attention
In this regard, the person may want to assess and make a decision on who to spend perpetuity with. In doing so, the tendency to cheat is high. James, a manager of a bar in Cape Coast believes that it is a normal desire.
“I think some of these things are just normal. You want diversity, something new. The desire to compare and contrast. One gives you the best sex and the other gives you quality attention. At the end of the day, you gotta settle on one and adjust” he stated.
On the other hand, some may also cheat to boost their self-image and confidence. Cheating has slowly become an accepted norm around the globe. However, how do you manage the situation when you realize your partner is cheating on you?
Dealing with the pain of an infidel
There are a lot of ways of dealing with an infidel especially if you catch him or her red-handed. The first thing to do is to deal with the shock. This would mean that you must learn to accept that either you have falling out of place.
Secondly, you must assess the situation and ask yourself if you want to still be with a person who doesn’t want to stick to you alone. If you are content with that, it is your own choice.
Thirdly, seek help. Issues concerning relationships are very delicate, hence taking decisions in a haste may be problematic. The best solution is to seek help from an experienced trusted friend. The person’s counsel is not the final decision. The final decision behoves on the listener, the jilted partner needs to make the final decision.
The Decision is yours to make
All in all, when the situation gets tough, the final decision lies in the hands of lovers. Infidelity is a matter of choice that is catapulted by several factors. So whether you are dealing with an infidel or you are an infidel, remember, you are not only harming the feelings of your partner. You are causing distress to yourself.
BY: ONESIPHORUS OBUOBI